Doing me.

“Every time I pick up a pen to study, write, learn, expand my knowledge, my thoughts, eat some brain food… I feel crippled.

Unable to express how I feel. Unable to retain what I am witnessing.
As if I am doing something I shouldn’t be doing.

IT SUCKS.
It fills me with anxiety. It makes me want to throw up.

I feel like I’m waisting my time and my parents’ money. As if I wasn’t worthy enough of this [having an education].

I want to distract my brain from this feeling by watching videos, reading other things… Yet, I feel —

Incomplete.

My tongue stutters just by the pure thought of it. But then this must be the truth. The hidden and robbed truth — I was born for this.

Study.

And be the best at it”.

This letter I wrote to myself yesterday night in a midst of a study break. My hands were shaking, eyes tearing.

The devil is a liar and a thief. And he’s been getting along with robbing me my beautiful and incomparable years of uni.

Not anymore.

I figured if I’m battling against this, others could go through the same as well.

I’m a third culture kid that was a statistic. Now I have the chance of writing my own future along with God.

Let’s start the writing with one word: savage. 

Xx,

C.

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